I don’t usually report news stories, but, then, I don’t usually get the scoop of a lifetime. I did yesterday.

According to my source, a senior White House official, George Bush is raging mad about the recent spate of books attacking his presidency, such as Richard Clarke’s “Against All Enemies” and Bob Woodward’s “Plan of Attack.”

I know, I know, sounds obvious. But the president isn’t upset for the reasons that you might think. It’s not the content of these books that’s getting to him, but rather the fact that the Bush-bashing authors are making so much money — money that he and his GOP backers aren’t seeing a single penny of.

And so, with anti-Bush books on pace to produce more revenue in 2004 than the oil industry, Bush, according to my source, is busily working on an anti-himself book.

Early drafts of Bush’s book, which is tentatively titled “I’m Ruining America,” are being kept closely under wraps, but I did get my hands on the proposed jacket copy:

“Liberal journalists can kvetch all they want. Bitter ex-White House officials can ‘tell all’ until they have no friends left in D.C. But nobody knows how badly the president has screwed over the country like the man himself. In these pages, the president finally admits his mistakes . . .

— “On tax cuts: ‘I lowered taxes for the ultra-rich because I mistakenly thought a greater percentage of Americans belonged to the wealthiest 1 percent.’

— “On Iraq: ‘I erroneously considered occupying Iraq a good way of teaching American schoolchildren the meaning of the word quagmire.’

— “On the economy: ‘I initially believed outsourcing would produce a “trickle-thousands-of-miles-east-to-India-and-then-eventually-down” effect. Sorry about that.’

— “And lots, lots more!”

“If you read only one Bush-basing book, make it ‘I’m Ruining America’ by George W. Bush, the ultimate insider, at least on some of his administration’s policies.”

According to my source, the president’s idea to write “I’m Ruining America” came about right after Ron Suskind’s book “The Price of Loyalty” was published in January. In that book, former Treasury Secretary Paul O’Neill shared with Suskind a harsh critique of Bush’s fiscal and foreign policies.

“When the president saw a copy of Suskind’s book, he absolutely flipped,” my source said. “(Bush) called me into his office one day and said, ‘I’d heard about the book, but I didn’t realize until now what the title meant. “The Price of Loyalty” is $26!’”

According to my source, the president grew yet more agitated when he found out that the price is even higher in Canada.

“The president said, ‘It’s $39 up there! First of all, I find it insulting for Canadians to suggest that loyalty is more valuable to them than it is to God-fearing Americans. And secondly, can somebody please explain to me why they’re willing to pay more than Americans for a book bashing me but keep gypping us on our prescription drugs? Never mind, just get me a pen and a pad of paper. I’m starting my own book now.’”

And so in the last few months, Bush has put all other administration concerns on hold, going so far as to instruct Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz to stop paying attention to the number of war casualties and instead focus on keeping track of “how many copies Woodward is selling.”

Initially, Bush planned to have his White House publicity department publish the book, but since the staff there isn’t accustomed to working with nonfiction, he’s now shopping it around to several different publishers. Regardless of who releases the book, the president is adamant that “I’m Ruining America” arrive in bookstores on Wednesday, Nov. 3.

(Mark Bazer can be reached at mebazer@yahoo.com.)

(c) 2004 mark bazer, Distributed by Tribune Media Services, Inc.