By Mark Bazer
I was in a taxi on Inner Lake Shore Drive in Chicago, and my cab was stopped behind one of those touristy horse-drawn carriages at a red light in the right turn lane. What I witnessed at that moment was truly disturbing: My driver honked his horn at the horse because it wouldn't make a right on red.
You might think my ire was directed toward my driver for being needlessly impatient and horn-happy. No, I was angry with the horse. If my driver, who told me he had immigrated to the States earlier this year, knew the traffic rules, then why didn't this horse, which had presumably been born and raised here?
If you've visited downtown Chicago, you've undoubtedly seen these horses, traipsing up and down Michigan Ave., showing tourists the Lake along Inner Lake Shore Drive or on rare occasions meandering down the highway toward O'Hare while transporting unlucky traveling salesmen who couldn't hail a cab.
These horses travel a maximum of three miles per hours in the busiest areas of the city — yet use the same lanes as cars. Cars that, mind you, may very contain pregnant women being rushed to the hospital, reporters heading to the Tribune or the Sun-Times to meet a tight deadline, or people from Indiana hoping to make to American Girl Place before closing time.
Traveling three miles per hour in these areas is a clear violation of the minimum speed limit, and these horses should be punished to the fullest extent of the law. After all, I have been penalized for the exact same offense. And if I am going to be forced to pay the steep fine after being pulled over by a cop for driving three miles an hour on my way home from a Cheech and Chong film festival, then so should the horses. (Interestingly enough, the cop was riding a horse.)
But that incident happened to me at 3 a.m. on a Saturday night when the streets were empty. These horses are clumping around during rush hour. What, I wonder, are the horse-drawn carriage operators telling the tourists? "On your left, you'll notice cars backed up from here to Gary."
Lest you think I am being overly cruel toward horses, let me state that I don't blame them. I blame the people operating these horse-carriage businesses. But, admittedly, the horses are easier to kick. I also blame my fellow drivers and myself for not standing up to these horse-carriage rackets.
Horse-drawn carriages certainly are not limited to Chicago, and citizens across the country must pressure their aldermen, congressmen and local courts to outlaw them wherever they tread. We must not waver in our battle when our tourism boards argue that horse-drawn carriages bring revenue into our cities. No out-of-towner is ever going to cancel a trip because his vacation spot has eliminated the horsy rides.
I've heard all the arguments in favor of horses: That they give a city an old-fashioned feel or that many nervous men on first dates fear they won't be invited upstairs if they can't provide a romantic horse ride.
But, folks, horses have had their day on the roads of this country. For the entire 19th century, horse-drawn buggies slowly moseyed along our nation's thoroughfares, and you didn't hear one complaint from automobile owners. Nor, today, do we allow middle-aged men in their sports cars to zip around the track at Churchill Downs.
Winter is, despite the recent sunshine, approaching, and the horses will soon be off the roads. And so, for the same reasons we don't allow children to drive Big Wheels on the expressway, let's keep it that way.
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(Mark Bazer can be reached at mebazer@yahoo.com.)
(c) 2003 Mark Bazer, Distributed by Tribune Media Services
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