I'd like to use this space to outline what could be an amazing opportunity for you, me and one of this nation's midsize Rustbelt cities. But first, please consider these questions:

Are you fed up with traffic? Do you feel like your rent is too high? Do you respect your city's hot dogs but secretly wish more places served their wieners topped with beef sauce? What would you say if I told you I know of a place where all these problems would be solved?

If you answered "yes" to all of the above questions (except for the last one, which is more of an essay question), then I hope you will join me in what promises to be a historic migration.

I am looking for 15,000 able-bodied men and women of all colors and creeds who have a can-do spirit and an aw-shucks demeanor to resettle with me in Toledo, Ohio. Once there, we will establish an idyllic, vibrant community not unlike Paris in the '20s or the Raelians of today. This is a chance to shape a city and to feed that "I want to be an influential member of a renaissance" desire that beats in all of us.

Why Toledo? Since my parents moved there 10 years ago, I have had many chances to survey the area, and here's why I think it's the place for us:

• Like many American industrial cities, Toledo has lost much of its once-vibrant downtown area as people have moved to the suburbs just so that they could then drive back into the city with out-of-town guests and say, "See this block? We used to have a mighty fine department store here."

The result of this is that there are many vacant numerous, beautiful buildings in the heart of the city, and it's here where we will establish our paradise. These affordable places are crying out for new businesses, residents and windows. It's not gentrification I'm talking about, it's fenestration.

• The city is along the Maumee River, and we could redirect some of this water into a canal system not unlike in Venice. Gondolas, of course, aren't cheap, so until the economy gets going, we would use inflatable rafts.

• Speaking of Europe, if you want people to think you're moving someplace exotic, you could pronounce Toledo the way they do in the Spanish city of Toledo.

• Hollywood actress Katie Holmes is from Toledo, and I am willing to bet that if we made our community nice enough, we could get her to move back. And you know what that means? Yep, boyfriend Chris Klein would come too.

• And, as I stated earlier, the beef sauce. With this sauce, Tony Packo's, the legendary Toledo restaurant Clinger often waxed eloquently about on "M*A*S*H," answered the problem many of us have with hot dogs: not enough meat. And they're still working hard. Right now, the Tony Packo's Web site (http://tonypacko.com/) advertises, "New Beef Product! Be The First To Have It!"

• Finally, three words: Minor league baseball. And two more words: New ballpark. Oh, and eight additional words, including one contraction: It's a nice place to see a game.

Now, you may be wondering: Doesn't Toledo still have some people - and wouldn't they be perturbed by our wanting to take over their city? First of all, yes, there are still people in Toledo, thousands of them actually. But, if my parents are any indication, they are nice folk who would love to have us move there.

(Mark Bazer can be reached at mebazer@yahoo.com.)

(c) 2003 Mark Bazer, Distributed by Tribune Media Services, Inc.